Hello Florida

 

 It's official. I am a Floridian now. Here's how I know.

1. I mowed the lawn today and loved all 23minutes of it. Today is December 21st - Winter Solstice.

2. I couldn't wait to get my driver's license so I could get the resident's discount on annual passes for Disney.

3. I threw away all of my socks that cover my ankles because they were just taking up space in my drawer.

4. I bought two swimsuits last week.

5. I can finally appreciate the holidays without snow.  And I can embrace the decor that comes along with a Warm Christmas:



The Best Christmastime Voicemail Ever

I pressed "play" on a voicemail from one of my favorites this morning. What you are about to read is a true story, and in my opinion the makings for National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Part Deux.

"Rue? It's Roo.  Guess what I did.  I hung Christmas lights on the house. And you know what? The goats got ahold of them and tore them off the house, chewed up some of the bulbs and drug them across the yard. Now the lights don't even work. (giggling) But I don't even care, because those stupid goats were probably like "hey look at these pretty lights, I bet they are delicious" and then once they started munching on them they got a little zap, then tried to scurry off with them.   Hey, you know what? Goats are allowed in residential areas, so you should get one...but no, you'll need two because they're pack animals. Anyway, they're super sweet.  Love ya Rue. Talk to you later Rue. Merry Christmas Roo."

 

Suspected Christmas Light Vandal

AKA: Tom the Goat

My prayer

Oh come, Lord. Reside in the hearts of the living victims of this week's massacre.  Dwell where the emptiness be too much. Stitch together the pieces of their hearts where Evil brutally ravaged them. Fill them with your love and let not the darkness win. Crush the fruits of evil so that hatred, and fear, anxiety and revenge not take over.  Sew their tender spirits with hope. And give them the comfort of peace for those children now in your arms.  Mend in us all the desire to wait on You, the dawn to this night. 

5 signs I'm no longer hip and / or cool

Disclaimer: It was never actually determined that I was, at one point in time, in fact, ever hip and / or cool.  But, should I have ever been delusional enough to think so, that bubble has been burst. Here is a list of proof:

1. I spent more time and money at JoAnn Fabrics last month than I did any and all social activities.  How do I know? Because the more you go there, the more coupons you get.

2. My most recent brush with fame was meeting the guy who plays Jesus at a place called "The Holy Land Experience".

3. My last four shoe purchases were sneakers. Oooh laa laa.

4. I could not pick The Situation out in a line-up, but can tell you the history of this book.

5.  I like to enter drawings on other blogs for kitchen appliances. Come on Pioneer Woman, when are you going to offer up an immersion blender?!


6. A bonus (because I said 5 signs, but let's face facts, there's lots more):

                                                 #idontunderstandthehashtagthing

Hello, Anybody There?

So last night, my leading man says "Your Father-In-Law says that your readers are wondering if you're ever going to write a new post."  To which I replied "well do I have a story for them, and it's even true."

The week of Thanksgiving, I was taking the girls to an indoor trampoline place. It was cold for Florida, about 40-something degrees.  The road I was driving was a major county road, and the incident which I am about to describe took place about 5 miles away from any residential areas. The time was 8:45am.

So, as I mentioned, I was driving, and there walking along side of the road, was a shirtless man, in flip flops and a kilt.

As you can imagine, my thoughts just spun out of control with questions. Was he coming from a party? Was he going TO a party? Is he from a colder climate, making 40 degree weather feel balmy? Is he really Irish or Scottish? Did his girlfriend just break up with him? Isn't he too old to be in a fraternity? Are there any other distinguishing attributes I should try to remember in case I see a story about him on the news? Is this a prank gone awry?

This small incident has kept me so occupied mentally, that I have forgotten to write on this blog. But, faithful readers - take heart, now that it's off my chest, I can get back to telling you about the really important stuff, like how Rylee keeps asking who she gets to be the boss of.   Stay tuned. More to come. Over and Out...but just for today.