Not so much a resolution, more of a Check Yourself

I put a hurtin' on myself over our Christmas Vacation.  A Hurtin'?, you ask. It's where I test how much junk I can put in my body before I burst into a sugary blob of slime - later to be bought and used by Nickelodeon.

The signs that I am near the point of combustion are as follows:

1. I got the shakes in the grocery store today. It's no coincidence that they only came on while I was in the candy, soda and ice cream aisles.  

2. I dreamt that I was hoping to be pregnant so that I would have an excuse for my ever growing gut. (Anyone that knows me, knows it has to be bad if I'm dreaming of being pregnant)

3. I can't go three hours without feeling like it's been two days since my last meal.

4. I thought about quitting The Club, out of shame.

5. I was unwrapping an yellow Starburst before I had even finished chewing the two in my face. I don't even like Starburts, especially the yellow ones because they taste like Lemon Pledge which reminds me of doing chores when I was 10.

6.  I dreamt that I was a private detective searching for extra material and a seamstress.

7. I dreamt that I ate a Skittle off the floor of our car. I don't even like Skittles. (OK, that wasn't a dream.)

8. Thinking about giving up carbs and starches gives me the cold sweats.

9. Speaking of sweats, even my "yoga" pants are tights.

10. I just found a little sack of chocolate gold coins, that were meant to go in the girls' Christmas stockings, and hid them in laundry room. (I hope Troy doesn't read this until I've had the chance to either eat them, or re-hide them).

Since this is more of a minor detour into gross negligence in taking care of myself than I've-hit-rock-bottom-and-can't-climb-out-due-to-the-sugary-quicksand-I'm-wallowing-in, I don't think it warrants a whole year's resolution.  But there is some serious Check Yourself, Before You Wreck Yourself conversations that need to happen every time I pass by the kitchen. 

Anyway, Happy New Year friends! May your resolutions be challenging but rewarding and may your friends not be "enablers".