Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Bona fide housewife

We were in Floriday for an entire week when I realized that I had been sweating my arse off and getting no where. I mean seriously. Last October I went to West Palm Beach for three days to hang out with my brothers. I drank a ton of beer, didn't eat one vegtable and the closest thing to exercise was leaning against the stationary bike on my brother's lanai while I bent over to get another round from the cooler. When I got home from that mini-break, I had lost three pounds. And do you know why? Yes, because it was 152 degrees in October and I just sat around and sweat. So, imagine my dismay after a whole 7 days in this hot box and not losing one ounce.  So I joined the YMCA.

Let's face some facts. My real motivation to join the Y was because they will watch your children for TWO WHOLE HOURS a day. I signed up on the second day as a stay at home mom (I only lasted three days) because I did the math (8 hour work day minus 2 hours at the Y, minus 2 hours for naps, minus 1 hour for lunch = only 3 hours of entertaining/educating/molding) and it seemed totally do-able. But day three rolled around and I found myself researching the daycares. 

So here I am. No job and the children are in daycare. I am officially a housewife in Orange County.  When in Rome right?  I decide to get the most out of my brand new membership. I sign up for a core strength/ab workout. After two very large babies, I figure it's probably the area that need to most attention...and since we're still facing was the shortest class by twenty minutes.

Here's the breakdown of the class - First three minutes spent trying to make yourself into a plank. I only look like I have palsy. Next five minutes spent trying to look like superman with only your belly button touching the floor. I am successful at this move as my bellybutton spans a large portion of my mid-section after aforementioned large babies.  Next 8 minutes spent on one butt cheek with feet and arms in the air. She mentioned something about it being the pike position. Like the fish. Which is what I looked like.  A big white fish, flopping around struggling for air. We move to our backs next. I've blocked this part out. I hear the music stop and see people popping up off the floor. Class is over. I put a smile on my face and pretend to stretch while I make a plan on how to get up without screaming. At this point I decide that I will try harder to find a job. This housewife business is taxing.

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